Ok, mamas (and papas)! This one is for you… If you have a child, chances are you are either nearing the “Toddler-Tude” stage, knee deep or thanking your lucky stars you’ve passed it. For those of you who have passed it, you give us hope! For those of you who are nearing it and in it, there is hope. Keep in mind it is only a stage, this too shall pass and that we’ve got to keep our wit together! With me?!
So, how on earth do we handle this “CA-RAZY” stage when we’re ready to pull our hair out?!
Here are some very helpful tips:
- Keep your cool. I know, I know, this is WAY easier said than done and I am totally guilty of losing my cool. You may want to yell back or stomp off to another room. However, in the moment, your behavior is what they will use to follow moving forward and if you leave the room, this may only make them feel abandoned and more confused. It’s ok to be quiet for a moment and count to 10 (or 20 if needed). Responding with your own anger and hangups will only complicate the entire situation.
- Remember, YOU are the adult. In the heat of the moment it’s easy to have several choice words running through your head or to just want to escape into any other room. Just because you’re the adult doesn’t mean to get a power trip and let it go to your head. It just means that we, as the adult, actually have the ability (and responsibility) to think these moments through… as hard as we all know it can be.
- Know or learn your Child’s Limits. If your kiddo is tired or nearing naptime, it’s most likely not a good time to run errands. How many of us have seen, or worse – dealt with, a complete toddler breakdown and tantrum at the grocery store. Sometimes these things do happen and how we respond can make or break a moment. Eeeeep, no fun!
- Distract them. Fortunately, (and unfortunately at other times), our little ones have short attention spans. Take advantage of this by offering a change of scenery or change of activity. When I’m grocery shopping, I always have a bag of snacks and little toys that can help in a moment’s notice. Most of the time these save the day, but trust me, sometimes, the tantrums are inevitable. In those moments, I try to get to a quiet aisle, perhaps at the back of the store, calm them down the best I can and encourage good behavior.
- Teach them to Breathe. If a few deep breaths help us to calm down, why aren’t we teaching that exact technique to our kiddos? Take the time to teach them that a few deep breaths can help them feel better. Show them by gently putting your hand on your chest to breathe in slowly and then slowly blowing out. Show them the gentle rise and fall of your chest while you breathe.
- Recognize and acknowledge the behavior you want to see. If you see them calming themselves down with deep breaths, apologizing for something, and using any positive behavior that you would definitely like to see more of, let them know. “Baby, I really appreciate when you ask nicely for your toys.” “I love seeing how sweetly you asked your little brother to not grab your hair.” “You did an excellent job in taking deep breaths to calm down. Did that make you feel better?”
- Give your toddler a little control. Eeeep, scary!!! Right!? It takes me back to Sebastian in The Little Mermaid, “Give em’ an inch and they swim all over!” You saw how that worked out though, right. Offer little choices. For example, “would you prefer peas or carrots with your dinner?” “Would you prefer to use the potty before or after brushing your teeth?” If you ask them if they’re ready to go to bed, you’re most likely going to get a big “No”. However, if you give them options for the bedtime rituals, they feel they have a bit of the control and usually you will get less of a fight.
- Choose your battles. Before being a parent, how many of us were guilty of thinking things like, “When I’m a parent, my kid will never do that. . . “ or “there is no way my kid will ever get away with that”. Ha! I’m pretty sure we’ve all been there! Welcome to real life! If your kiddo asks for something, consider the request. Is it completely outrageous? Or is it something that’s not a big deal to you? Again, choose your battles.
- Be honest and communicate. Let them know when they do something you do not like. If your toddler demands something and gives you the “toddler-tude”, let them know that you don’t like that behavior. “I really don’t like when you snap at me and demand things. If you would like something, please ask nicely.” Or, “I really do not like when you yell at your brother. He is a baby and doesn’t always understand that you don’t want him to play with you. Please ask him nicely to give you your toy back and then ask me for help.” Or, “You really hurt my feelings when you say that.” They are young and their minds are developing, but they still want to make us happy and are seeking our approval. Be clear on what behavior you do and do not expect from your kiddo. If forbidden behavior continues, give them a time out. (We usually do 1 minute per year in age. Two minutes for a two year old can feel like an eternity.)
- Keep in mind, they are kids. They have SO much going on in their little bodies. “Little bodies, BIG emotions!” Depending on what is going on behind a tantrum will determine a different response from us as well. If they are overwhelmed with stress or new experiences, which could literally be everyday for these guys, they need reassurance and love. If they are angry that they aren’t getting something, they may need extra understanding that don’t know how to properly communicate yet. Give them the tools to calm down and then give them positive examples of how to respond.
Obviously there are many more tips that can be added to this list. Consistency is key, even when you feel like a broken record. Today and even tomorrow you may feel like you’re beating your head against a wall. It will pay off! I know I’ve said it before, but no one has it all together. As parents we will make mistakes. I’ve learned that sometimes parents need to be put in a little time out too, just like our kiddos. We need to apologize when we are in the wrong. It’s just as important to show our kiddos that as adults we need to ask for forgiveness and don’t always have it all together as modeling the behavior we want to see. Woo, parenting is rough! I would love to hear from you. Do you have any questions for me? Any tips that you love that are your Go-To? You’ve got this! One day at a time.
XO,
Classy Mama Bear
