As parents, we often have pretty high standards for our kiddos. And I see adults that don’t have kids of their own that often have even higher standards and expectations of young children. I definitely remember in certain circles when I was little, children were expected to be “seen, not heard”. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve definitely been guilty of getting super irritated when I pick up the phone and my calm child that was entertaining herself with a book suddenly starts squealing at amazing decibels and hanging on me or chasing me around the house… Or when my little one will not calm down for naptime… Momlife. (Insert crying and laughing face.) Ok, being a parent is hard. (Understatement of the year!) But kids are people too. It’s human nature to want to be part of the conversation, part of the pack, part of the action. There are times as adults we seriously cannot shut off our brains and will lay awake at night. If these circumstances are true for adults, aren’t they also very true for children. The big difference is that as adults we’ve had the chance to learn and understand the nuances of our bodies and minds. As children, our kiddos are going through things for the first time and don’t have the ability to reason with many of the changes going on.
A child goes through SO much change. The development is insane!! Yet, we sit there and expect them to “get it” so early on now. Let them be little. Let them enjoy and dance around and be kids. Yes, there are manners to be learned and rules to be obeyed. Yes, they should be taught respect and how to be empathetic. In the same breath, take a moment and remember they are human too. They are allowed to have bad days, not feel good, get confused, forget or wake up on the wrong side of the bed. If you’re allowed those things, they are definitely allowed those things too.
On a slightly separate note, I was walking the dogs and had my two little ones in the wagon. About a mile into our walk, we ran into a woman who wanted to say hi. She was very sweet. . . She put her hands on her knees, bent down and in the highest pitched voice I can imagine starts baby talking to my 3-year old. All I could do was bite my lower lip and try to just give a polite smile. My daughter’s eyes were those of saucers and my 1 year old burst into tears. The lady went on her way and after a moment of calming my little boy down, my daughter very nonchalantly says, “Mom. . . that. Lady. was. Really. Weird.” We had a good laugh. But it really made me think. How often do we talk down to our children? How often do we take them for granted? They are intelligent and take such a great deal in each and everyday. They may not be able to communicate completely, but they truly understand much more than we realize or want to admit. And though our kiddos seem to understand such a great deal, their understanding is different than ours, based on their own limited experiences and interpretations. We should take the time to see the world through their eyes and understand their limitations as well as their capacity to learn and see a bit more of the magic unfold.
Sondheim’s song, “Children Will Listen” comes to mind. “Be careful what you say, children will listen.” It’s so true! They see everything we do. They hear everything we say. They repeat things we really rather them not. It’s scary! And, sometimes hilarious. But when it comes down to it, it’s about being mindful. . . we are responsible for molding the minds of these little people. So, what examples are we giving? What attitudes are they seeing each morning when we wake up or when we get home from work? And we know as adults, we are definitely not perfect, right? So, let your littles know it’s ok to not be perfect. Let them make mistakes and learn from those mistakes. Set the example you want them to follow. And then. . . let them be little. And love them. Love them fiercely.
