I was very recently asked, “what makes you unique to all the other “mamas” trying to make it out there as a blogger?” At first I let this stop me in my tracks. What does make me different from every other blogger out there?! Then I realized this may have been the push I needed to actually tell my story. . . The fact that I’m a woman who had a shattered dream, picked herself up, became a survivor, and against all odds became a mother gives me a unique voice in the world. I have a light to share with the world. I love to help others, especially other women and mamas find health, self-love and the realization that they too have a voice to share. Yes, naturally I may be shy, a definite introvert, but I have so much to share.
The “About Me” section of my blog gives a tiny tease…. I was on my way as a professional dancer in the musical theatre world. Dancing was my life! Next stop, Broadway! At 19, I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia. I was in pain all the time and didn’t understand. I was put on a drug called Vioxx. Soon after, this drug was taken off the market and I was thrown into so many tests. Shortly after that, my life was shattered. I was diagnosed with Gastro-Intestinal Cancer. A very select few knew of the diagnosis. I pushed my body hard. I didn’t want anyone to pity me or think I couldn’t dance anymore. I was told that I should take it easy. I “shouldn’t” dance anymore. I would never have kids. And on top of that, I probably wouldn’t make it to age 30. Screw that! Originally I followed everything the doctors recommended. I did the treatments. I “took it easy”. I let go of my dreams. And with that, I lost many, many friends. I became a shadow of myself. Somehow this sweet guy saw through all this and continued to remind me that I would push through all of this. With our brand new sweet Lab puppy, “Classie”, he proposed. Even though my future seemed bleak and uncertain, we married and dove into life. This crazy romantic reminded me of life and that I still had so much to give. I didn’t have the energy to truly perform like I wanted to, however I found a piece of my passion in teaching dance for all ages. I actually worked 3 (sometimes 4) jobs to pay for medical bills and the crazy expenses that go with living in California. Life was grilling, yes. I was in pain. But I could make a difference by sharing my love for the arts. For 8 LONG years, I pushed. I was secretly exhausted and had days that I just wanted to give up! Then one day, I did – I needed to make a change! I could not handle anymore treatments or medications or any of it. I dove into a very strict healthy lifestyle and completely turned my life around. After 9 years of on and off battles and seeing fellow patients I had become close with pass away and almost losing myself along the way, I became a survivor. I had my 30th birthday. The make-believe life that I had been trying so hard to grasp was starting to become a reality. Yes, maybe I would still be in pain, but I could live without the idea of death constantly knocking on my door.
We moved to Reno with our four dogs and 2 cats with a dream in our heart. And everything changed. The impossible happened. For our 10 year vow renewal, we took in the shock and were ecstatic to announce we were pregnant. Against all odds, we now have 2 beautiful and healthy children. So much of my current story is the crazy of Motherhood and how my unique past and upbringing help guide me from day to day, how life can change with a snap and how we can either decide to be a victim or a victor.
In so many ways, I’ve been unable to share my story as a whole so far because a part of me felt unworthy. How could I share a story of being a survivor when so many people have lost their battle? My younger brother passed away when I was barely pregnant with our second babe from a heart attack. How could I possibly share my story with him passing and his life being cut too short? With that said, I’m pretty sure he’d kick my butt for that pitiful thinking. He would most definitely want me to be happy and live life fiercely. What sort of sister would I be if I didn’t honor that and him? So, here I am. I want to live life. I want to make a difference. I want to share my voice. I want to help others believe. And most importantly, I want my children to grow up knowing I do something important all while teaching them to love themselves and to love life.
Perhaps this is now my jumping off point? I believe my voice is unique and I’m definitely not just another blogger and I truly hope that to those reading this, that my words impact you with love and positivity always.
With so much more to come, sending love from Classy Mama Bear
